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BDSM WEEK – GUEST POST & GIVEAWAY: Kim Dare

We asked some authors who write BDSM about BDSM.  Here’s what Kim Dare had to say:

The One True Type

There’s a phrase you hear quite often in BDSM circles—The One True Way. It refers to the kind of people who think that their way of doing kinky things is the only right way, and any variation of that is inherently inferior.

Until quite recently, I think a lot of people have considered there to be only “One True Type” of BDSM fiction. When I started reading BDSM, the only stories you could really find online (or at least the only ones I managed to find!) were a kind of dark fantasy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love those kinds of stories just as much as the next sub. Those stories, when they’re done well, can be the literary equivalent of being bound to a St Andrews cross and whipped until you see stars. There’s an edge of danger to them that makes you hold your breath until the end of the chapter and an intensity that can make you forget what was so important about breathing anyway. They can really grab the masochistic side of you by the throat—in the best possible way.

But, as much as I enjoy those stories, they aren’t the only kind of fiction I like to read.

I also love my comfort reads. I like the kind of story where I know everything is going to turn out well. I like stories where there is a guaranteed happy ending, where the main characters might be put through a wringer, but will emerge stronger at the end of it all. I like stories where people who consider themselves to be broken are put back together. I like silliness, and soppiness and characters with a wonky sense of humour.

But, while I guess it’s always been relatively easy to find stories like that, I realised quite early on that, whenever I wanted to read that kind of story, I had little choice but to go back to reading about characters that were both vanilla and straight.

Happy endings, silliness and soppiness were, apparently, not for people like me—not even in fiction—which has always struck me as both bizarre and offensive. Real kinky people come in all different shapes, sizes and flavours. Shouldn’t our fiction represent that?

You see, when I read those comfort read stories, I don’t put my submissive side in a box and shut it away. I don’t stop being kinky when I want to read them and I don’t stop wanting to identify with the characters either.

If the dark fantasies are the e-book equivalent of a whipping, perhaps the comfort reads are the equivalent of aftercare—those moments just after the bondage comes off, when a dom holds you close, tells you everything is okay and that you’ve pleased your master. There’s nothing vanilla about looking for those kinds of emotions in a story, not for me anyway.

I’m not sure why there’s this persistent idea that “True BDSM” can only be represented by stories dealing with people living out dark fantasies. To me, if a character’s psychology or relationship is inherently affected by their reaction to dominance, submission, bondage, pain or any other part of the kinky rainbow, then that’s what’s important. The story can be dark, or funny, or anything else, it’s still a BDSM story. It still has a place under that label.

When I couldn’t find the sort of BDSM comfort reads I wanted, I started to write them myself. I think there are quite a few other writers out there doing the same— some of them have, no doubt, being doing it for a lot longer than me.

Some readers still seemed to be genuinely surprised when they read a less traditional BDSM book—leading to reviews along the lines of “I can’t believe I’m going to say this about a BDSM book, but it was so sweet!”. I have to admit I like those sorts of reactions. But, I can’t say that everyone has welcomed this little bit of the BDSM sub-genre with such open arms. There’s still plenty of snarkiness about, often from people who think we’re somehow watering down the genre. (And, more often than not, from people whose only understanding of BDSM comes from reading those dark fantasy stories…)

*Shrugs* In general I think more and more people are opening up to the idea that there is no one kind of story kinky people can write, or read, and to me that can only be a good thing, both for people who are purely interested in reading kinky stories and for people who live the lifestyle and want to read about people who really are like them.

About Kim Dare

Kim is a thirty year old bisexual submissive from Wales (UK). First published in 2008, she has since released almost 100 BDSM erotic romance titles ranging from short stories to full length novels. Having worked with a host of fantastic e-publishers, she has just moved into self publishing.

While she has occasionally ventured towards other pairings, Kim’s first love is still, and probably always will be, Male/Male stories. But, no matter what the pairing, from paranormal to contemporary, and from the sweet to the intense, everything she writes will always feature three things – Kink, Love and a Happy Ending.

You can find out more about Kim’s books on her website, follow her on twitter, catch up with her blog, and email her directly using the links below.

Website: www.kimdare.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/KimDareAuthor
Blog: www.kimdare.blogspot.com
E-mail: kim@kimdare.com

Giveaway

For a chance to win a copy of Kim Dare’s latest release—Worth Waiting For—just leave a message on this post, including an e-mail address where you can be contacted. One winner will be picked at random on 1st December 2013.

About:

When Colby earned a swimming scholarship to the Falconer Institute of Training, he expected to spend all his time either training or studying, but that was before he looked out of his living room window and straight into the dance studio opposite.

It’s taken Noah years, but he’s finally got his life in order. He teaches dance classes all day, hits the clubs every night and he’s not looking for complications—especially not in the form of overly-innocent swimmers who like to spy on him from across the street.

The first time Colby approaches him, Noah has no trouble turning him away. It’s only when Colby returns years later, to collect on a casually delivered promise, that Noah finds himself incapable of keeping Colby locked out of his carefully re-constructed life.

Their kinks may match up perfectly, but their lives and their pasts couldn’t be more different. Years have passed, but will what they have together turn out to be worth waiting for?

Author note: This story contains ***strictly non-sexual*** flashbacks to when one character was under 18.

BOOK INFO:

18652511Title:  Worth Waiting For
Author: Kim Dare
Publisher: Self Pub
Release Date: October 23, 2013
Purchase Links: Amazon, ARe, Smashwords

 

17 comments on “BDSM WEEK – GUEST POST & GIVEAWAY: Kim Dare

  1. Moira
    November 19, 2013

    Haven’t read any of Kim Dare’s books yet, but have 2 on the TBR pile and 1 more on the to buy list.
    raeannnew@netzero.net

    Like

  2. Jennifer
    November 19, 2013

    The blurb for this book intrigues me.
    jennpurr1970@yahoo.com

    Like

  3. Debra E
    November 19, 2013

    There is no one way to do things in real life and authors should be able to write what they want. I like all different kinds of kink in my books that I don’t want in my real life, but I want the option to read it without someone being snarky about it.

    Like

    • loederkoninginkatinka
      November 19, 2013

      AMEN!

      Like

      • Debra E
        November 19, 2013

        :)

        Like

  4. Allison
    November 19, 2013

    One of the things I’ve enjoyed about reading BDSM is that it has opened my eyes to a lifestyle I otherwise wouldn’t run across. It’s unfortunate that some people don’t want to show all the sides of that experience. Thank you for the post and the giveaway.

    Like

  5. nordicgirl_2013
    November 19, 2013

    I loved Worth Waiting For!

    I’ve recently read quite a few BDSM-themed books and have found most of them to be very good reads. I do stay away from the darkly kinky side, as I found that it just wasn’t for me. What you read doesn’t necessarily equate what you do or want in real-life, so it’s a good thing that the spectrum is there also in the M/M BDSM/Romance selection. There’s something for “everyone”. :).

    Like

  6. Andrea M
    November 19, 2013

    I have a lot of Kim Dare’s work and really enjoy her writing. I’d love to win this.

    Like

  7. Maarja
    November 19, 2013

    Excellent post, and the book sounds fascinating based on the blurb!

    Like

  8. Trix
    November 19, 2013

    I totally agree with Debra E. Each person has their own way of looking at things, their own kinks, their own triggers. It’s silly expect everyone else to fall in line and follow the same pattern. Great comments, Kim.

    The latest book sounds intriguing. Would love a copy XD
    Love_Invisible_Man@yahoo.com

    Like

  9. Josephine
    November 19, 2013

    I’m new to reading about BDSM, but I’m really intrigued by what Kim had to say! Whether I win or not, I’ll be adding this to my TBR pile. Thanks for sharing. I like the sound of her philosophy.

    Like

  10. Karen Candido
    November 19, 2013

    Ive always loved Kim’s books and look forward to reading this as well. I have been reading BDSM books, all types, for years now and still love the differences each writer has and all the different kinks involved. It has opened my eyes to my own kinkiness in fact and I enjoy it greatly!

    Araya313@gmail.com

    Like

  11. Optimist ♰King's Wench♰
    November 19, 2013

    I so love the message here about there not being one true way. Duck! is one of my all time favorite books & it’s all about the sweetness & I LOVED every bit of it.

    Like

  12. itmfiddler
    November 23, 2013

    I love Kim’s books. I remember the first time I read one and how stunned I was to discover a BDSM book that left me smiling and feeling so warm and comfortable. I’ve been gobbling up everyone of her books ever since.

    Like

  13. Miri
    November 28, 2013

    I Love Kim’s books.
    I actually not all that into dark fantasy – of any kind, and a happy ending is a big plus point in my opinion on a book, So i’m for one realy glad that there a books with a BDSM theme that contains silliness, and soppiness and humour (and an happly ever after is a great too)

    Like

  14. Sarah
    December 1, 2013

    I haven’t yet read anything from Kim Dare but Worth Waiting For sounds like a great read. mrwhiskas24@yahoo.com

    Like

  15. Pingback: I’m Promoting A Book For A Friend. | beginingsinwriting

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This entry was posted on November 19, 2013 by in BDSM, Giveaway and tagged , , .

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