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BDSM WEEK – GUEST POST: JP Barnaby

We asked some authors who write BDSM about BDSM.  Here’s what JP Barnaby had to say:

BDSM Friends and Recs

The one thing every submissive needs, whether seasoned or brand new, is another submissive.

Recently, my longtime Dom John and I talked about my desire for a more permanent, or at least more frequent, D/s relationship. He lives on the east coast, and I live in Chicago and while our weekends together were fun and amazing, we both deserved more than infrequent sessions. My arrangements had always been with someone I knew well, so the idea of looking for a stranger to fill that particular role gave me cause for concern. During that process, I had the amazing fortune to meet Growler, the sub of a good friend in Florida. A few friends were taking me to Universal Studios for my birthday, and one of them brought his boy. There are few people I’ve connected with as fast as I did him. He’s amazing.

To find a new Dom, I logged into my Fetlife account, which I’d only used incidentally over the past few years, and put up an ad. For those of you looking to get into BDSM—this is not a good approach. But, I’m incredibly shy in person, and had no submissive friends in Chicago to go to a munch or other social gathering. It felt like the best option for me at the time. I received far more responses than I’d anticipated and began weeding through the results. After lunch dates with several prospects, I decided to work with one of them on a trial basis. Throughout this process, I bounced things off Growler, getting the benefit of his experience because I’d never entered into a full-time D/s relationship.

It ended up not working out, and I’ve actually taken time away from the lifestyle because of the experience, but Growler and the other submissive friends I’ve met around the country were invaluable in deciding that the relationship wasn’t in my best interest. Too often, lifestyle players isolate themselves, either because they’re afraid to tell others about their proclivities, or to protect their privacy. We miss out on the support of the very people who would understand.  Oh, and on a personal note – the second thing that’s invaluable to a submissive is to put your limits in writing. So, when your big bad ass Dom blows right past a hard limit, you can use it to punch him in the face. Just sayin’.  Anyone who thinks that “submissive” is another word for “weak”, can feel free to come have a seat next to me.

So, I thought I’d share a bit of my experience in the BDSM lifestyle, but also some recommendations for people who want to get started reading in the genre. Now, I’ll preface with this – I am very picky about my BDSM books and my reaction to them is visceral. I may not have a logical reason for loving a particular book or series, I just do. And since this is my opinion, well, we’ll just go with that. ;)

Two things to keep in mind when you start reading BDSM – first, dub/con is NOT BDSM. If someone is being forced to do something they don’t want to do, that breaks the cardinal rule of BDSM which is “safe, sane, and consensual”. Second, if you’re reading a book and the submissive depends so heavily on the Dom that he can’t think independently, that’s not realistic BDSM fiction. Also, if the Dom is rich, gorgeous, perfect, omniscient, and never makes a mistake, that’s also not realistic. The people who practice BDSM are people just like anyone else: we live life, we love, we make mistakes, and sometimes we fall—but we stand up tall and proud and get right back on the padded sawhorse.

Some of my favorites BDSM books:

Rough Canvas by Joey W. Hill is one of my very favorites because what people often forget when writing BDSM is that Doms are human too. They’re not omniscient. They don’t always know what’s best for their sub. They’re flawed. Marcus (and the fact that I didn’t have to look up his name is a testament to how good this character was) is beautifully flawed, hot, and sexy in his almost relentless pursuit of Thomas.

The Eden series (Finding Eden, Beyond Eden) by Kele Moon (partially M/M/F) is also at the top of the list. I had the fortune of meeting Kele at GRL, and trust me, it was a total fangirl moment. As with Rough Canvas, Danny (again, without having to look) is amazingly flawed. In the prequel, his pain and need to help Paul (who is my very favorite book boyfriend, even if he is a sub) are tangible. I re-read these books a couple times a year. (Read Finding Eden first, it’s a prequel.)

I’m a big fan of Jane Davitt and Alexa Snow. – Room at the Edge, Room at the Top, Bound and Determined – all wonderful books

Ricochet by Xanthe Walter was awesome, especially because in that world, everyone is born bisexual and identifies as either dominant or submissive. Our lifestyle is the norm, and it’s a wickedly awesome sexfest.

I also REALLY enjoyed the Power Exchange series (Power Exchange, Safeword) by AJ Rose. While the first book was a little BDSM 101-ish, the second really hit things home. I will warn you, if you have triggers, the first book has some graphic content.)

Oh, and I fucking LOVE Bound by HB Pattskyn.

Slave Boy by Evangeline Anderson is another favorite – you just want to hug little Wren, and being Sci-Fi, it’s an interesting change

The first few books of the Deviations series by Chris Owen and Jodi Payne were good. Though, I have to admit, in the last book I think (it’s been a while), if I were Phantom, I’d have walked, but that’s just me.

Deviations: Submission
Deviations: Domination
Deviations: Bondage
Deviations: Discipline 

Other books worth mentioning:

Remastering Jerna by Anne Somerville

The Reluctant Dom and Cardinal’s Rule by Tymber Dalton (both M/F)

If you like M/F BDSM – definitely look into Tiffany Reisz. I haven’t had a chance to read her yet, but I’ve heard wonderful things about her books and attended her BDSM primer at RWA which was very well done.

If you’re interested in my BDSM work:

Painting Fire on the Air

A Survivor Story

From her perch on a shelf above my bed, the doll accuses me with lifeless eyes of failing Juliette in the most heinous way imaginable, forcing me to crave the bite of his whip and the steel in his voice to drown out the ache in my chest.

For his entire life, Benjamin Martin’s parents drilled into his head that he must watch out for his little sister, but one horrific night, he failed. Now, the bite of a whip, cuffs digging into his wrists, his arms and legs stretched beyond endurance, these things give him what he needs to forget his sister’s violent death, at least for a while.

When Ben’s latest Dom casts him aside like a broken toy, he manipulates his best friend, Jude Archer, into picking up the pieces. Jude has been in love with Ben for years, but his fantasies about his friend never included whipping him. He doesn’t understand why Ben needs BDSM and he worries about Ben’s addiction. Most of all, he fears losing his humanity because he’s already lost himself in Ben. When he’s forced to trade the marks upon his soul for the pain that ravages Ben, Jude learns the real definition of submission.

#PaintingFire

Mastering the Ride 

Josh, a young gay submissive with a strong desire to serve, is searching for the Master of his dreams. After being released by yet another Dom, he takes the advice of his trainer and leaves Chicago to accept the invitation of a Montana rancher—a real, live, modern-day cowboy. With his new Master, Wade Mallory, Josh may just find what he’s looking for… and more.

In the Absence of Monsters (coming Jan 2014 from Wilde City Press)

In the absence of monsters, men find themselves.

Jayden Carter knew the path he wanted his life to take. He wanted to get his Master’s Degree in History, teach, and have a normal life. But after answering an ad for a roommate, he meets the mysterious doctor, Ethan Bryant. Master Ethan, who brings him into a world of pain and pleasure he never knew existed.

Battling with the horrors of his past, Ethan loses himself in a haze of self-destruction and pain. With the help of childhood friend Gabriel, he searches for a way to survive. When Gabriel and Jayden wage an epic war for the broken Dom, they could all end up losing.

About JP Barnaby

J. P. Barnaby, an award-winning gay romance novelist, is the author of over a dozen books including the Little Boy Lost series, the Monsters series, the Working Boys series, and Aaron. As a bisexual woman, J.P. is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted, and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica, which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.

Website: http://www.JPBarnaby.com

Blog: http://www.jpbarnaby.com/#blog

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/JPBarnaby

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/JPBarnaby

3 comments on “BDSM WEEK – GUEST POST: JP Barnaby

  1. Kristie
    November 24, 2013

    JP, thank you! Thank you for sharing a little bit of yourself and your experiences. I’ve read almost all of the books you’ve suggested, and loved them, but found a couple to add and/or move up on my reading list. I also look forward to more from Master Ethan. Though he’s imperfect, his imperfection is what’s made him one of my all time favorite characters.

    Like

  2. Moria
    November 24, 2013

    Thanks for sharing this, JP. I’m hoping to get enough money next month to afford Painting Fire on the Air. Definitely moving it up on the wish list.

    Like

  3. Nichole
    October 10, 2014

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts about Dragons Rise of Berk Hack.
    Regards

    Like

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This entry was posted on November 24, 2013 by in BDSM and tagged , , .

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