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Thirty-eight year old Jonny Ordell is hopelessly in love with his friend Mark Dorsett. There’s just one small problem: Mark Dorsett is insane.
Not a charming, cute, surprisingly insightful kind of insane. The kind of mental illness that rips apart Jonny’s insides and turns otherwise good people into villains. It isn’t Mark’s fault. It’s not like he asked to be sick. At the same time Mark’s erratic behavior and his refusal to get help is destroying everything in his path, including Jonny.
Now Jonny must decide: does he stand by his man and hope loyalty and love are enough to make Mark realize the error of his ways? Or does he abandon Mark to his illness and save himself? Neither choice offers much hope of happiness. As their affair continues Jonny must confront the possibility that his love is not healing Mark, it may actually be making him worse.
Emotions are not rational. Feelings, they’re not rational. Emotions and feelings just are. You know what I mean? With this book, I had so many emotions and feelings. A whole lot of emotions and feelings I didn’t understand. Not until I finished, decompressed, and had a chat with a couple of my favorite gals who helped me hash out in my head what had happened.
Jonny is a PR guy. He also writes an advice column. Each chapter of the book starts out with a letter to Fairy Gaymother… At first it’s very charming, until it becomes sad. The letters filled with questions, people seeking advice, and looking for help, they all relate very closely to what’s happening in Jonny’s life. He’s also in love with his best friend Mark. Our dear Mark has some major mental illness issues that are not being dealt with. He’s also straight… maybe.
Mark is quite obviously quite ill. He’s an alcoholic. Bi-polar. Depressed. He has ADAD. These issues combined with others create a horrible situation for him. It’s painful to see. But what’s more painful to see is when Jonny realizes what’s happening, when he sees the destructive path he’s going down with Mark, he let’s it happen. Oh he tries to resist, but frankly not very hard. He can’t, you see. Because emotions. Because feelings.
This is why I say that feelings and emotions are not rational. When it comes down to it, our feelings, our emotions, they drive us in our actions. They are a part of what makes us. Jonny has an advice column but can’t take his own advice. He can’t take from anyone else either. So the destructive path we watch Mark going down only gets compounded because we have to watch Jonny go down an equally destructive path.
There’s sex. Not a lot, thank goodness. (I thought I’d never say that) The sex we get is kinda hot. Hot until you take a step back and see how sad it is. Then it feels dirty. Not a good dirty. It made me feel sorry for all parties involved.
This book is sad. So freaking say. When finished, I could not decide if I liked it, hated it, was indifferent to it… just nothing. I didn’t know. Then I realized why I was having such a hard time. It’s too real. In our lives, we all have those times when we know we’re being used. We know that we’re doing something not good for us. We consciously allow it to happen. But we can’t stop it. Why?
Love is the one feeling, the one emotion that is the farthest away from rational as you can get.
So… This book feels real. Everything about it. I feel like I know these guys. This is a great book. It’s not so much about Mark and his illness, as it is about Jonny and his inability to do what’s best for himself. There’s not an HEA. I don’t even think there is really a HFN. There’s an ending I can live with. An ending with hope. Hope is another one of those emotions. Another feeling. Hope can help your heart heal. Hope and realism is what makes me kinda love this book. Yeah, it’s hard to read. But it’s good. Really, really, really good.
Title: I’m the Guy You Hate
Author: Isa K
Publisher: Wilde City Press
Pages: 75k words
Release Date: March 25, 2015
Purchase Links: WCP